I had a weird Sunday. There was an excellent talk in Sacrament meeting about gratitude, Ruby went to nursery willingly, baked potatos for lunch, lots of family and friends to visit, a good nap, all the sweet things the Sabbath brings. And yet, after the girls were in bed I sulked on the couch and felt bad for myself. I was frustrated and bored. I worried about a number of things. All my current failures were staring me in the face. I felt picked on! I really was upset about something I can't quiet name, I went to bed in tears. Honestly, cried myself to sleep. It has been a very long time since I felt so poorly as to cry in front of DJ. (I would not consider this weird if I were pregnant, times like I just described are part of the game of baby making. But I am not pregnant, I assure you.)
This morning I awoke with a feeling that I had to make it right. A vague goal. But it was effective. Recently I heard a friend say that when she is facing a challenge she asks, "What would my best self do?" So, I was my best self. I wasn't perfect. No. Not close. But I think I did well, despite yelling at Talia for laughing like a maniac, she does this when she wants attention, and procrastinating several tasks that need doing in order to furniture hunt on KSL. But it was a very happy day at my house. I felt the spirit in my heart, and I hope it radiated to my children.
I am just now getting this bit of inspiration about last night. Satan wants very much to break me. He would like nothing more than for me to fail. To feel poorly about myself. To be angry about my life. To wish for more than I have. To regret my decisions. He knows my potential, more so than I, I am sure, and wants me to fall short. If the devil can get me to feel and think those things, then I will fail. I can't image the consequences of that. There are so many!
We women are powerful beings. We have the power to shape and cultivate little lives, and in so doing, change the world. No wonder Satan wants so much for us to feel insecure. To feel anger and selfishness and doubt our worth. We have to defend ourselves from his fiery darts! We have to seek our Heavenly Father in prayer and plead for strength and courage. The war is real and the sides are clearly drawn!
I hope you feel where I am coming from with this little rant! I don't know why I feel the need to share it just now. Usually I keep these less than flattering moments to myself. But I know I have received a revelation regarding myself. By putting it in writing I will remember it, and my convictions upon understanding it. I pray that I will have the spirit to fight the feelings of discouragement that the devil will surely send my way again. Bad days will come around, but I will do my darnedest not to sit on the sofa and stew about them!
