It Is Truth Time

Everybody asks how I am doing. "Good." I say. "Really good."

That is true. I am sincere when I say that my pregnancies are routine, coaster, quite dandy. But, will you indulge me for a bit of bare naked - in the moment truth telling?

I am tired. So, so tired.

(This is my husband, in my brand new leather recliner that I saved up for all summer. Sleeping away while I get the girls ready for bed, say prayers, tucked in, kissed, sippy for Roo, two trips to the living room to look for toys and Pinkalicious . . . . . . . I could be mad. but I am too tired. He did haul it in the house for me. Thanks muscle man. I'll let this one slide.)

I am so tired of bending down I could scream. Do you ever think about how many things you get off the ground in a day? It's a LOT! I told the girls I am done with it. If it doesn't get picked up I am sucking it into the vacuum. Even if it's your wretched little sock bundles that seem to multiply like bunnies all over the house. I am tired of bumping my belly with the closet doors, the steering wheel, the garbage drawer, and the fridge, and my children. Tired of Braxton Hicks.

There are so many normal parts of my life that make me crazy right now. Like big, fat October house flies that buzz around and bump into my head. I swear. They get really stupid this time of year. I threw away about 10 pieces of junk mail yesterday. Does Chase really think that one of these days I am going to apply for their card? I mean seriously - it's been 7 1/2 years guys. I don't want it!

My windows are filthy. We are always out of milk. The fridge stinks, the carpet stinks, (getting cleaned on Monday!) the garage really stinks. DJ tracked chunks (yes, literally, CHUNKS!) of dirt in on his boots yesterday. My beautiful pumpkins are frozen and wilting on the front porch. The heater in our car died. Dead and gone. The batteries in our smoke detectors are dead too, they keep making this sickening chirping noise. I have made more than one trip to the basement in the middle of the night to push the "I know it needs new batteries, just shut up already," button. This involved hauling a stool with me, it's 2:00 am and I am awake for about 2 hours now. Joy. I spent $10 on batteries a few days ago, wrong size.

Speaking of chirping, I can hear everything for a mile. The girls seem to be about 10 times louder than they have ever been. DJ listens to the televisions at an unbearable level. I am trying not to remember how miserable I was in the cultural hall this morning for the Pinewood Derby. Cub Scout cheers for an hour and a half. I just about broke and ran for my life. Do people really have to gun it across the highway at 11:30 pm? My head is about to explode!

I won't scare you with tales of how my hips hurt right now. How they hurt pretty much all the time now. 2 weeks ago, fine. Now, I can't even put my pants on while standing. I shouldn't have mowed the lawn today. Pubic bone pain from Hades! Back, knees, shoulders, eyes, hair, calves. You name it. There's pain.

I could go on and on. I am irritated by even my underwear right now. I'll stop though. It won't help. It won't change my week 39 attitude either. Venting feels good, but it can lead the mind in the wrong direction.

Positive Sarah, be positive. No woman in the history of the world has been pregnant for ever. You LOVE babies, you adore your spouse and children. This will too shall pass.

I apologize for everything I just wrote. I am getting in the tub.

Dear Little Bit

While I am waiting to see your sweet face before I know for sure, I am still in want of inspiration as to what name to give you. This is important stuff. Forever kind of stuff. I have a small list of maybes, but nothing feels just right. I guess I am anticipating a sign of some kind. . . . a clue that "this name" is who you are, and who you will become. I so want to get it right.

Daddy is being terribly unhelpful. Just so you know. I will keep secret some of the truly maddening suggestions he has put forth. His idea of a special name is one that can be linked to a vehicle, (Mercedes is the only one I would ever consider, and he won't go for that one.) or starts with a D. Ruby has submitted Purple and Pink. GRAVY!

I love you baby girl. Your estimated date of arrival is only 2 weeks away. Please do me a favor and try not to be late. Bring along a name tag with you from heaven if you can.

I can't wait to have you in my arms. (My belly is ready to be rid of you. Ha!)

Much love and devotion.

Mommy

Go Granges Go

As I sit here, Saturday evening, and think back on the week I am amazed. I don't recall sitting for more than a few minutes at a time, and that was with my sewing machine. (Oh, correction - I did read to the girls a bunch. That was nice! We hit the library for an arm full of books and several fun Halloween stories on Monday, since then we have covered each at least 3 times.) We were busy as bees and that helped our week move quickly along.

There was lots of play time out side in the sunshine with neighbors Stella and Sam. T and Roo climbed the apple trees about 100 times and did their best to talk Brother Johnson to death while he picked apples. The girls covered the porch with sidewalk chalk art and made a fort out of an enormous refrigerator box, trashed the toy room, did 1000 reps on the swings, ate a bag of candy corn . . . golly, you name it.

I made some truly lovely pumpkin soup and took it with us to Mom and Pop Norr's for FHE, had a swell lunch date with my neighbors, sewed at least 10 things, sanded for hours on this beauty of a dresser, finished the bunks, cleaned under the sofa's - of all things to tackle while pregnant?, successfully wrapped up 2 clients projects and started a third, (I must be mental!) went to a truly inspirational Relief Society night, and pretty much kept my cool through another week of scattered toys, milk spills, bumps and scrapes, fingernail polishings, kindergarten homework, and bedtimes. Whew!

DJ made it home safely on Thursday night, late, after we were all in bed, and then headed for Ogden Friday morning at 6:00 am. I was so glad to have him only that far away. Can you believe we made it to the 6:00 temple session Friday evening? A miracle. It was WONDERFUL. I had to rent a dress big enough to fit my belly. We ate at Juniper Take Out afterwards and I had a halibut fillet that was so divine. Dave and Tammy took the girls to the Pumpkin Walk in North Logan and they had a swell evening too. There was ice cream for all!

Thanks a million Grandma and Grandpa Grange, I couldn't have done it without you this week!

Today we took apart, vacuumed thoroughly, and put back together Talias' room. Now to be known as Talia and Rubys' room. It looks like a million bucks. I could bust! Wait until you see the beds, and the delectable pillow cases I made. Just waiting for a few more elements to fall into place and then I'll post a picture of the before and afters. Roo napped in her big girl bed this afternoon. No fuss what-so-ever. I have mixed emotions about her not requesting "Momma's bed."

Sorry for the play by play. I just had to record the amazing amount of things that were accomplished this week. I feel like Super Momma! I am looking forward to Sunday.

What I Needed To Hear

     "Sometimes, in the routine of our lives, we unintentionally overlook a vital aspect of the gospel of Jesus Christ, much as one might overlook a beautiful, delicate forget-me-not. In our diligent efforts to fulfill all of the duties and obligations we take on as members of the Church, we sometimes see the gospel as a long list of tasks that we must add to our already impossibly long to-do list, as a block of time that we must somehow fit into our busy schedules. We focus on what the Lord wants us to do and how we might do it, but we sometimes forget why.

     My dear sisters, the gospel of Jesus Christ is not an obligation; it is a pathway, marked by our loving Father in Heaven, leading to happiness and peace in this life and glory and inexpressible fulfillment in the life to come. The gospel is a light that penetrates mortality and illuminates the way before us.

     While understanding the “what” and the “how” of the gospel is necessary, the eternal fire and majesty of the gospel springs from the “why.” When we understand why our Heavenly Father has given us this pattern for living, when we remember why we committed to making it a foundational part of our lives, the gospel ceases to become a burden and, instead, becomes a joy and a delight. It becomes precious and sweet.

     Let us not walk the path of discipleship with our eyes on the ground, thinking only of the tasks and obligations before us. Let us not walk unaware of the beauty of the glorious earthly and spiritual landscapes that surround us.

     My dear sisters, seek out the majesty, the beauty, and the exhilarating joy of the “why” of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

     The “what” and “how” of obedience mark the way and keep us on the right path. The “why” of obedience sanctifies our actions, transforming the mundane into the majestic. It magnifies our small acts of obedience into holy acts of consecration."

Dieter F. Uchdorf, Relief Society General Meeting Oct. 2011

Chin Up

(The girls explore with DJ on a little hike through the City of Rocks, Oct - 2011)

The girls so loved spending time with Daddy this weekend. They got in some much needed rough housing, garage cleaning and the annual fall spectacle at the Pumpkin Launch. (Grandpa's punkins flew right into the car Mom!)

I was relieved to just be held by a man whose nerves are like steel. Who doesn't get flustered, who doesn't get mad. Who is big and strong and warm and capable. Who can fill his days with a hundred different things and not be overwhelmed. Who can take the Deacons to Crystal Hot Springs on a Friday night and be home the next day with a smile at 9:00 am.  A man who loves his family. Oh, Gosh! I need you babe.

While the girls spent Saturday afternoon with DJ I finally got down and dirty with the sandpaper and gel stain, and now the bunk beds look so amazing. I decided at the last minute not to paint them white. They took a lot more labor (my back was in protest all day) to sand and refinish, but the end result in quite stunning. I feel rewarded for my bargain hunting. I'll post a picture when I get the last of the polyurethane coats on. Hopefully Tuesday.

I am sitting up this evening having a one sided wrestling match with Lil Bit, (She is getting strong! And good gravy, pushing on something that ought not to be messed with. Oww kid!) listening to the rain. It's beautiful and cool. DJ went to bed at 9:00 pm with the girls. He has to be on the road at 2:00 am so that he can be in St. George and ready for a pour by 10:00. Ambition? Oh, yes!

One more week of 'just us girls', and then Daddy should be able to work a little closer to home. I say should with caution. I never know. I may just call a family meeting and put my foot down, DJ stays within 2 hours of home until at least mid November. I am not going to bring this child into the world alone. Or playing the single Mom game when she is 3 days old. There are plenty of brothers and a whole handful of employees that can take on a little extra weight, at least for a few weeks. There are a certain times in life when a man should say, "No, I need to be with my family." The job be danged.

Talia was adorable in the primary program today. My word, she is a beautiful child! All that said, I am going to have to muster everything I have to be patient with her this week. She pushes the limits. One minute I am so pleased with her I could bust, the next I want to spank her behind. She is smart as a whip, emotional like a bear and so creative that I often wonder how she fits it all in her head. I am setting a goal to not blow a gasket this week. (You think I'll last until Tuesday?) I really need peace in this house, and I know that I have to be the one to establish it.

Week 37 is nearing completion.

Chin up.

This Is a Shout Out

To all my girlfriends at Bunco, I love you. Thanks for doing this each month. I look forward to being with you and sharing our lives. Thanks for the insights and justifications. Thanks for the mutual respect we share as mothers, doing our best with our own circumstances. Thank you for making me laugh.

Oooh, and thanks for the awesome fondue cheese and caramel apple cider with whipped cream too!

*This year I am dressed in gold and green and a drop cloth toga (really, if you look close there are paint stains on it!) as Aphrodite the Greek goddess of love.

'Punkins' Make Me Happy

Tali and Roo pick pumpkins in the Rhodes family pumpkin patch at our annual gathering. My aunt and uncle let the whole family select a pumpkin of their own and then we roast hot dogs around the campfire and enjoy a bunch of (mostly pumpkin assorted/flavored) treats. My children picked tiny ones for some reason. Uncle Brad and Aunt Tammy know how to grow them HUGE. A very happy FHE this week.

Our very own pumpkin patch yeilded much beauty this year. Me and the girls loaded them into our black hand cart and hauled the harvest to the front porch. It felt good to hack at the vines and reclaim the southernmost piece of our lawn, I have been letting the punkins just take over where they would.

I have had a few emotional break downs this week, yesterday was the most colorful. I freaked out at the girls for destroying the nicely sorted laundry piles in my room. (I was busy with my toilette brush and disinfecting Clorox wipes in the laundry bathroom.) They also brought in a whole pile of toys, a crumby bag of potato chips, built a fort under my chair, messed up my curtains and undecorated the living room so that they could have a festive Halloween picnic in the laundry baskets, in my room. I lost it! I ordered them out and then buried my face in my hands and balled. Seriously, I wept it all out.

A few minutes after my eruption Roo came tiptoeing into my room holding her blankie out to me. She had a repentant face and a look that said, "This will help Mom." And, "Please still love me!" I clung to her and the blankie for a minute and cried a little more. Talia came and put her head in my lap. We had a little talk, apologized all around, re-sorted the laundry, made the bed (again!) and I insisted that every last chip crumb be picked up.

Oh, my word. What a morning. I haven't felt emotional with this pregnancy at all until now. I feel like I have only so much 'cool' in me for a day, and when it is gone, it's GONE! After I got the house in relative order, and all machines a-buzzing, we went out into the fresh October air and got to work with the pumpkins. Just what I needed. As I was taking these last two pictures I kept thinking, "Pumpkins make me happy. Thank goodness for pumpkins."

For My Little Bit

I fell in love with this sweet yellow vintage print. I waited a while to find the right compliment for the reverse side. This will be Little Bit's car seat canopy. I have found much joy in making things for her, as with the others, she feels real to me when I imagine holding her in the blankets and being protected by the things I have made.

DJ has been in St. George this week. I have had a hard time with this one. Each day I feel as if I have only myself to lean on and that I am not enough. My strength is tapped.

There are days I am so tired, and feel so used by my children. I swear I cannot take another day, not another hour, I cannot pick up another sock, I cannot sweep up another crushed fishy cracker or grape! KIDS FOR SALE - CHEAP!

But then . . . (often after a time out in my bathroom) selfishness subsides, I humble myself and (usually have to apologize to them for being cranky) take a good look into their eyes. Therein is my life, my work, my glory! My babbies. My world. I want nothing more than their peace and their joy.

And so I start again.

Thank you neighbors, family, and my Heavenly Father. I know I labor not alone.

I just had a good talk with DJ. (Those are difficult and rare on the phone!) I forget occasionally that this is hard for him too. He doesn't want to be away. He has to wake early every morning, work non stop all day in all kinds of weather, solve problems, drive forever, eat lousy food and retire to a strange bed in a lonely motel. So my man, I love you. I appreciate you. Thank you! Come home soon.

Good Bread

Would just like to mention that I solved my banana bread dilemma. (Now the problem is I want to make it all the time and eat it just as often!) This batch was so good that I took a loaf to the sisters that I visit teach. Trying to get a good month of service in before I am useless for anything other than nursing my newborn. I hope to be happily couped up for most of November.

Speaking of, here we are,  35 weeks. Holy crow. More stripes.

Serious Havoc

Roo could barely sleep for a week knowing that a derby was coming. Halloween Havoc. I had to promise her over and over again that Daddy would take us to Ogden to see the last 'crash and smash' of the season. And did it ever deliver! Yikes. I had to cover my eyes a few times. Here is uncle Deven, riding his fallen beast from the battle field. The poor thing lasted about 30 seconds before it was plowed into and rolled. Deven's fine! Thank you seat belt. I thought we might have to restart Kaylee's heart though.

I sat by DJ the whole evening. Weird. We have been together for 8 derby seasons and this is the first time that I have been near him for an entire show. So glad that he didn't have a 'runner' for this wild night. Not that I fear for his life in this arena, but because he had such a long week with work. Park City is draining him. Early up, late home. A cold and muddy mess. I hardly saw him all week. He did head home early on Friday (because it was snowing) and he detoured to West Jordan to pick up my new dresser. It is so gorgeous. I couldn't stop kissing on him. What a guy, what a pal! (It needs a little tlc before it gets a place in 'lil bits' room, but I promise it will stop the show. Along with the orange wall and the delicious blankets I've been working on. All of my free time this week has been with my sewing machine. Will give you a sneak peek tomorrow.)

I spent some time this evening writing to our friend Elder Twitchell, while DJ packed his duffel bag for another week of work far away, ( I am missing him already. Tears tonight, for both of us.) and DJ insisted that I invent a derby number so that I could sign off the letter appropriately. Apparently to be a Grange with clout you need a number attached to your name. I am now, Sarah Grange #321. (For my birthday, March 21st.)

Peace out.

Sarah Grange #321

Lots of Rocks and Conference in General

Last weekend we hooked up the Moose and hit the road with the Grange family and a few friends (the gravel road) for the City of Rocks. We hiked and climbed and biked and soaked in the hot springs. I participated in all of the above, even biking! I have a feeling I looked a lot more at ease on my mountain bike than squeezed into my swim suit. Yikes.

We watched lots of folks in their helmets and skinny shoes, with water bottles strapped to their hips, climbing and repelling from the rocks. Talia thinks that she is a real live rock climber now too. And a mermaid! That kid LOVES the water. I think it's about time for swimming lessons. She assures me that she can already 'go under' for a minute!

Sorry to say that the radio reception wasn't great at the campground. Lots of static to sort through. We only got about half of general conference. I was hoping for more, I need the boost. The Granges always camp for fall conference, and therefor rarely listen to all the messages. I feel a bit of a loss spiritually. I am glad that I can hear the addresses again over the Internet. Aren't they better spoken? I like to re-read each one once the Ensign editions are printed but there is something about hearing the voices of the twelve say the words that make them more powerful.

I kept my hands busy, and out of the Starburst and cookies bags, all weekend by binding a really fabulous blanket for 'lil bit.' Pictures coming soon.